I love snow...
Flurries too...
But anyways-not my point...
God seems to find ways to punch me at least weekly...this week, well today, He didn't have to punch me *for the first time ever* He just gently nudged me...That in itself is a HUUUUUGE deal...
anyways...
What may you ask am I speaking of?
Not going to Him with things. I always say the expected "Oh, definitely, i'll pray about it." or "Hey can you pray for me...I really need His help."... but sadly, that has become a copout....
More often than not I say a quick "God help me" prayer without really searching for His reply. As of late, I have made a lot of decisions without truly consulting Him... Sad isn't it?
Here He is...caring about ever single decision that i have to make in my life... He knows my EVERY thought and care... He tells me not to worry because HE has control... yet.... what do I do? Talk to mere people about things... instead of consulting HIM.
:( Hm... Not only is the weather changing... But my attitude is as well...
*cheers* Here's to consulting Him with EVERYTHING...
...learning to breathe....♥
Monday, November 28, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
my passion-meet me though this post...
I'm pouring my heart out to you people... I may cry... You may tear up... But I need this...
God changed my life a few summers ago. We attended a summer retreat in Texas... The Arlington Project. I had previously taken two years of Spanish in high school (didnt pay attention a lick because i wouldnt need it *yeaaaaah...whatever*). Anyhow- one specific day we were doing a childrens ministry in a Hispanic apartment complex. As we were going door to door many of the people spoke English...we were on our LAST DOOR and the lady in there couldnt speak English at all. We struggled with her for about 10 minutes trying to explain what we were doing. She had a younger boy *cute as a button* and an older boy...probably around 14 or so. After trying and trying and trying to explain...stumbling with the little bit of Spanish that my group knew... the older boy stood up and said, "It's okay--I got this." and he started telling his mom *in Spanish* what we were TRYING to say. "WAAAAIT a second! You speak English!?" was all that I could say. He just laughed and said yeah.
He changed my life. A little while later we were hanging out in the center of the complex hanging out with all of these precious Hispanic kids... they clung to me... they sat in my lap and twirled my hair... they tried to take me home with them.
They changed my life.
Since then God has been laying them on my heart. I decided to just surrender to Him and give Him whatever it was that was making me feel that connected to those specific people.
Slowly, He began molding my passion for Hispanic people... specifically Mexicans. I'm only in my first year of Spanish since then...
At least once a week I come across a Hispanic family in Jtown or even here. Everytime i do... my heart swells.
Tonight reminded me why God has given me this fire...
Randi, Jacob, and I decided to go eat at Tampicos. We were in a booth behind this PRECIOUS little boy and his mom. He looked at me and...well...my heart melted. I waved at him and he smiled and hid his face. When he looked at me again I said boo... thus the beginning of a long game of peeky boo :)
I cried... thats all i could do... cry. I listened to him and his mom talk and i could pick up bits and pieces of what they were saying. That in itself was beautiful to me. These people that I love... the culture that I so badly want to be a part of... I could understand the language!
It was beautiful.
So, I kept crying.
When we were leaving, I asked the man who waited on us if the little boy could speak both English and Spanish and he said yes. As soon as the kids go to school, they come back and know English as well as they do Spanish. We talked about my passion for the language and how I want to be fluent. He gave me hope that once i'm immersed... it will come easier.
I was already ready to cry more...
but here's the kicker...
When i was leaving...i waved bye to the little boy... He smiled and started blowing me kisses...
That was beautiful.
All through high school... my heart was here at WBC. Last semester... my heart was here at WBC. Now? My heart is in Mexico... I've never been...but I KNOW that God didn't give me this passion for no reason. I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that He has a plan for me and it includes my precious Mexican babies.
As much as I love it here... my heart isnt in it anymore...
I'm ready for my life to begin there... with the people that I love so dearly...
God changed my life a few summers ago. We attended a summer retreat in Texas... The Arlington Project. I had previously taken two years of Spanish in high school (didnt pay attention a lick because i wouldnt need it *yeaaaaah...whatever*). Anyhow- one specific day we were doing a childrens ministry in a Hispanic apartment complex. As we were going door to door many of the people spoke English...we were on our LAST DOOR and the lady in there couldnt speak English at all. We struggled with her for about 10 minutes trying to explain what we were doing. She had a younger boy *cute as a button* and an older boy...probably around 14 or so. After trying and trying and trying to explain...stumbling with the little bit of Spanish that my group knew... the older boy stood up and said, "It's okay--I got this." and he started telling his mom *in Spanish* what we were TRYING to say. "WAAAAIT a second! You speak English!?" was all that I could say. He just laughed and said yeah.
He changed my life. A little while later we were hanging out in the center of the complex hanging out with all of these precious Hispanic kids... they clung to me... they sat in my lap and twirled my hair... they tried to take me home with them.
They changed my life.
Since then God has been laying them on my heart. I decided to just surrender to Him and give Him whatever it was that was making me feel that connected to those specific people.
Slowly, He began molding my passion for Hispanic people... specifically Mexicans. I'm only in my first year of Spanish since then...
At least once a week I come across a Hispanic family in Jtown or even here. Everytime i do... my heart swells.
Tonight reminded me why God has given me this fire...
Randi, Jacob, and I decided to go eat at Tampicos. We were in a booth behind this PRECIOUS little boy and his mom. He looked at me and...well...my heart melted. I waved at him and he smiled and hid his face. When he looked at me again I said boo... thus the beginning of a long game of peeky boo :)
I cried... thats all i could do... cry. I listened to him and his mom talk and i could pick up bits and pieces of what they were saying. That in itself was beautiful to me. These people that I love... the culture that I so badly want to be a part of... I could understand the language!
It was beautiful.
So, I kept crying.
When we were leaving, I asked the man who waited on us if the little boy could speak both English and Spanish and he said yes. As soon as the kids go to school, they come back and know English as well as they do Spanish. We talked about my passion for the language and how I want to be fluent. He gave me hope that once i'm immersed... it will come easier.
I was already ready to cry more...
but here's the kicker...
When i was leaving...i waved bye to the little boy... He smiled and started blowing me kisses...
That was beautiful.
All through high school... my heart was here at WBC. Last semester... my heart was here at WBC. Now? My heart is in Mexico... I've never been...but I KNOW that God didn't give me this passion for no reason. I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that He has a plan for me and it includes my precious Mexican babies.
As much as I love it here... my heart isnt in it anymore...
I'm ready for my life to begin there... with the people that I love so dearly...
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
taps me on the shoulder, over and again♥
Where are you and what are you doing when you feel closest to God?
Church, singing along with the praise band? Or maybe even working with a certain people group? Maybe in a field of daisies?
I'm in the rain...
When I was going through a really rough four, almost five, year depression... I would always repeat the same line everytime it rained... "I walk in the rain cause no one can ever tell I'm crying." Oddly enough-It still rings true today...even after overcoming that point in my life. Except now? Now those tears are of joy...because I have never felt so close to Him.
I was talking with a friend a couple weeks ago about why I love the cold, windy days and the wet, rainy days... It's because I feel Him so much closer. It's as though the wind are His hugs and the rain is Him tapping me on the shoulder telling me He loves me.
The God of this Universe, the One who shaped every tree and painted every sunset, the One who parted waters and raised the dead back to life, the One who formed me with His OWN HANDS... HE LOVES ME
Wow...
So...when the wind rustles through the trees and you cuddle a little deeper into your coat... remember that He's hugging you.
When the rain taps your window and frizzes up your hair... remember that is Him...He's tapping you on the shoulder screaming at the top of His lungs that HE loves you...
Pathetic, sad, scared little me....
HE LOVES ME.
breathing in has never felt so wonderful... ♥
Church, singing along with the praise band? Or maybe even working with a certain people group? Maybe in a field of daisies?
I'm in the rain...
When I was going through a really rough four, almost five, year depression... I would always repeat the same line everytime it rained... "I walk in the rain cause no one can ever tell I'm crying." Oddly enough-It still rings true today...even after overcoming that point in my life. Except now? Now those tears are of joy...because I have never felt so close to Him.
I was talking with a friend a couple weeks ago about why I love the cold, windy days and the wet, rainy days... It's because I feel Him so much closer. It's as though the wind are His hugs and the rain is Him tapping me on the shoulder telling me He loves me.
The God of this Universe, the One who shaped every tree and painted every sunset, the One who parted waters and raised the dead back to life, the One who formed me with His OWN HANDS... HE LOVES ME
Wow...
So...when the wind rustles through the trees and you cuddle a little deeper into your coat... remember that He's hugging you.
When the rain taps your window and frizzes up your hair... remember that is Him...He's tapping you on the shoulder screaming at the top of His lungs that HE loves you...
Pathetic, sad, scared little me....
HE LOVES ME.
breathing in has never felt so wonderful... ♥
Monday, October 24, 2011
walks, talks, and convictions.♥
Do you ever feel as though God is punching you in the face? Welcome to my world.
Today, October 24, 2011....is one of those face punching days.
I have so much! I have a wonderful family, sure...a little dysfunctional, but they are truly great. I have my college education almost entirely paid for by scholarships. I have 2 jobs that both pay pretty well. I have a car that gets me from point a to point b. I have wonderful friends who love me.
I have so much, yet I am so dissatisfied....
It's truly sad. Instead of being content in Christ, I'm searching for contentment through things and people. Instead of finding my identity in Him, I'm trying to be the American dream. Frankly, the American dream...is more of a nightmare.
Recent conversations have made me realize that my life....it has been fairly easy.... Yes, I've had my struggles. Yes, I've had my low points, but God has brought me out of those. He has given me so many opportunities to praise Him in the storm. He has given me so many opportunities to tell people my story...to give Him glory for getting me away from those things. But, sadly, I shy my face away and worry of what people will think.
How pathetic...
I am worried about what people will think. I'M worried.
Why?
Because they'll laugh at me...
They laughed at Noah.
Because they'll call me names...
They MOCKED Jesus.
Because they'll think I'm weird...
We are called Aliens and Foreigners.
Because they'll persecute me...
They MURDERED Him.
Wow... any others? I'm sure we can find a similar situation somewhere...
It's pathetic.
....but at least I'm learning. God is teaching me to be content in every situation...
HE is the silver lining. ♥
Today, October 24, 2011....is one of those face punching days.
I have so much! I have a wonderful family, sure...a little dysfunctional, but they are truly great. I have my college education almost entirely paid for by scholarships. I have 2 jobs that both pay pretty well. I have a car that gets me from point a to point b. I have wonderful friends who love me.
I have so much, yet I am so dissatisfied....
It's truly sad. Instead of being content in Christ, I'm searching for contentment through things and people. Instead of finding my identity in Him, I'm trying to be the American dream. Frankly, the American dream...is more of a nightmare.
Recent conversations have made me realize that my life....it has been fairly easy.... Yes, I've had my struggles. Yes, I've had my low points, but God has brought me out of those. He has given me so many opportunities to praise Him in the storm. He has given me so many opportunities to tell people my story...to give Him glory for getting me away from those things. But, sadly, I shy my face away and worry of what people will think.
How pathetic...
I am worried about what people will think. I'M worried.
Why?
Because they'll laugh at me...
They laughed at Noah.
Because they'll call me names...
They MOCKED Jesus.
Because they'll think I'm weird...
We are called Aliens and Foreigners.
Because they'll persecute me...
They MURDERED Him.
Wow... any others? I'm sure we can find a similar situation somewhere...
It's pathetic.
....but at least I'm learning. God is teaching me to be content in every situation...
HE is the silver lining. ♥
Monday, August 15, 2011
time management 101 ♥
"Time is our most valuable asset, yet we tend to waste it, kill it, and spend it rather than invest it."
-Jim Rohn
Today at work my boss pulled up a list of each driver and how many hours they have been on the road delivering. My hours were at 855. My curiosity got the best of me and i divided that 855 hours by the 24 hours that are in a day...35 DAYS i have been on the road in the past 10 months. Not 35 days i have been clocked in and getting paid...no...35 days alone just driving. A whole month out of the 10 months that i have worked at my job...i have been driving.
I started sobbing.
How do i spend that time i have in my car? That 10 minutes here....15 minutes there....30 minutes wayy over there. How do i spend it? Welp- i text a lot. Ohh, and i tweet. Um... i listen to the radio *mostly the trashy music that comes on the "popular stations."* I, uh, think...yeah! I make up stories in my head. And i talk to myself quite often. I think thats about it...
So, for 35 days straight i have texted.... tweeted....listened to music....made up stories...and kept myself company.
Wow.
What a waste of time.
How many times have I prayed...or even listened to the good radio stations...or maybe read a bible verse instead of a text message...or even tweeted something thoughtful and meaningful? Honostly... less than an hour all together...of 35 DAYS!
I feel like crap.
How have i managed my time this week? How have i managed those hours this week where life is silent and it is just me and my car? How much time this week have i spent with my Creator? How much time i have i spent in prayer? How much time have i taken out of my "busy schedule" to read His love letter to me? How much time have i spent telling others about Him? More importantly...have my actions and my time spent truly made a difference? Have they even showed others that i am even a believer?
Wow.
I know that today has been convicting for me... maybe this will convict you.
Try this week to set aside an hour...or maybe two....maybe just 15 minutes to see where your time could be managed better... and act on it. I know i will.
...breathing.
-Jim Rohn
Today at work my boss pulled up a list of each driver and how many hours they have been on the road delivering. My hours were at 855. My curiosity got the best of me and i divided that 855 hours by the 24 hours that are in a day...35 DAYS i have been on the road in the past 10 months. Not 35 days i have been clocked in and getting paid...no...35 days alone just driving. A whole month out of the 10 months that i have worked at my job...i have been driving.
I started sobbing.
How do i spend that time i have in my car? That 10 minutes here....15 minutes there....30 minutes wayy over there. How do i spend it? Welp- i text a lot. Ohh, and i tweet. Um... i listen to the radio *mostly the trashy music that comes on the "popular stations."* I, uh, think...yeah! I make up stories in my head. And i talk to myself quite often. I think thats about it...
So, for 35 days straight i have texted.... tweeted....listened to music....made up stories...and kept myself company.
Wow.
What a waste of time.
How many times have I prayed...or even listened to the good radio stations...or maybe read a bible verse instead of a text message...or even tweeted something thoughtful and meaningful? Honostly... less than an hour all together...of 35 DAYS!
I feel like crap.
How have i managed my time this week? How have i managed those hours this week where life is silent and it is just me and my car? How much time this week have i spent with my Creator? How much time i have i spent in prayer? How much time have i taken out of my "busy schedule" to read His love letter to me? How much time have i spent telling others about Him? More importantly...have my actions and my time spent truly made a difference? Have they even showed others that i am even a believer?
Wow.
I know that today has been convicting for me... maybe this will convict you.
Try this week to set aside an hour...or maybe two....maybe just 15 minutes to see where your time could be managed better... and act on it. I know i will.
...breathing.
Friday, August 12, 2011
after girltalk reflections
hey yall! I know it has been a super long time since i last blogged, but this summer has been absolute craziness. From work work work all the time to float trips, road trips, and camping-been there, done most of it. In fact-dum duh duh dummm: guess who is going to the ocean in just a couple weeks? This girl!! But, that is a different story entirely. :)
okay-so, we went floating all day yesterday and then camped out last night. It was a bunch of my friends from back home. Holly, Celina, Meredith, Jordan, and his quirky awesome girlfriend named Meagan. Well, during our planning fiasco to attack him with ice while he was sleeping -:)- we got into some girl talk. Meagan was talking about how Jordan fit into everything on her list (personally i thought "lists" were only in movies...especially ones that people actually followed). I oohed and awwwed than just shrugged it off like i have been lately with the cute mushy gushy stuff.
Anyhow-tonight i was stuck in the dorm with just me, a laptop, and all of Nikki's movies. *lol* sooo, what did i do? watch movies-duh.
One of the movies i watched was HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. i thought it would be hilarious and make me not have to think about mushy gross lovey crap. WRONG! lol CUTEST MOVIE EVER *gagged then threw up cute little cupids with their dumb little arrows*. Anyhow at the end of the movie this was said:
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
The underlined part is amazing to me. Sometimes I look so hard at the future that i'm not focused on the right now. I'm like "Oh, look God, he's cute-annnd He likes you...kind of....sometimes. He'll work though! I'll whip him into shape!" And God is up there shaking his head saying, "No, no, no... babygirl, just wait. Wait. Focus on me! i'm better than any guy you could possibly meet right now... And the man I have for you-oh me oh my, youre gonna love him...so just wait."
Through every crappy relationship i have had (and possibly still have to come) i'm going to remind myself that if God wants me married...he has someone completely and totally amazing in store...i just have to wait on His timing... and not my own.
*toasts my bottle of Coke* Here's to my first list. ♥
okay-so, we went floating all day yesterday and then camped out last night. It was a bunch of my friends from back home. Holly, Celina, Meredith, Jordan, and his quirky awesome girlfriend named Meagan. Well, during our planning fiasco to attack him with ice while he was sleeping -:)- we got into some girl talk. Meagan was talking about how Jordan fit into everything on her list (personally i thought "lists" were only in movies...especially ones that people actually followed). I oohed and awwwed than just shrugged it off like i have been lately with the cute mushy gushy stuff.
Anyhow-tonight i was stuck in the dorm with just me, a laptop, and all of Nikki's movies. *lol* sooo, what did i do? watch movies-duh.
One of the movies i watched was HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. i thought it would be hilarious and make me not have to think about mushy gross lovey crap. WRONG! lol CUTEST MOVIE EVER *gagged then threw up cute little cupids with their dumb little arrows*. Anyhow at the end of the movie this was said:
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
The underlined part is amazing to me. Sometimes I look so hard at the future that i'm not focused on the right now. I'm like "Oh, look God, he's cute-annnd He likes you...kind of....sometimes. He'll work though! I'll whip him into shape!" And God is up there shaking his head saying, "No, no, no... babygirl, just wait. Wait. Focus on me! i'm better than any guy you could possibly meet right now... And the man I have for you-oh me oh my, youre gonna love him...so just wait."
Through every crappy relationship i have had (and possibly still have to come) i'm going to remind myself that if God wants me married...he has someone completely and totally amazing in store...i just have to wait on His timing... and not my own.
*toasts my bottle of Coke* Here's to my first list. ♥
Sunday, May 22, 2011
alabaster box ♥
today i woke up and got all pretty, pretty and headed to Wellspring only to discover that there was no one there *i thought they were all back from Haiti, guess not* welp, i decided that i didnt get all cute and everything only to go back to the apartment and put on pjs and watch movies until work.
so, what did i do? you guessed it! i went to jonesboro :D
I decided to have coffee with Jesus ♥
during coffee we talked about how i really needed a wonderful workbook to do this summer. one that would bring me closer to him and further from myself. after some pretty intense looking and thinking and praying i came across a book that immediately impressed me. it is called "Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right." although i'm not really "waiting" for anything... i decided that it would be an amazing start to a deeper relationship with my Savior. :)
Lady of Reckless Abandonment
The first chapter put a lot of detail on the woman in Mark 14 who poured perfume on Jesus' head. You know--the one that everyone was like "seriously? you wasted that costly perfume?! why?!" and only she and Christ truly understood her reasoning.
I need to be like that. I need to give something worth even more to him...myself.
In Christ's time when a woman became old enough for marriage, her family would purchase an alabaster box for her to fill with precioius ointment. This was a part of her dowry. When a man asked for her to marry him, she would take the alabaster box and break it at his feet as a way to show honor.
The book asks repeatedly about my alabaster box. What is it full of? Fantasies about Cinderella stories? A sucessful career?
After a huge amount of thought I decided that my alabaster box is full of ideas of what i want in life. A husband, a steady career, money, a nice house, security, pretty close, happy children, a beautiful wedding, my daddy to be there to walk me down the aisle, putting my feet in the ocean, riding a plane, finishing college, all these things that are truly worthless.
My relationship with Christ is the only thing that should ever matter in my life. Right now i am choosing to break my alabaster box at his feet. I'm giving him all of my hopes, my dreams, my wants...everything. I am laying down everything to pursue a closer, more intimate relationship with him. ♥
I am committing to "devoting as much energy to Jesus as I would in a relationship with a boyfriend. I'm [going to fall] more in love with Jesus every day. I'm going to date Him, write notes to Him, and read His letter to me. His friends will be mine and I will introduce mine to Him. ♥ I'm ready to fall madly in love with my Savior.
so, what did i do? you guessed it! i went to jonesboro :D
I decided to have coffee with Jesus ♥
during coffee we talked about how i really needed a wonderful workbook to do this summer. one that would bring me closer to him and further from myself. after some pretty intense looking and thinking and praying i came across a book that immediately impressed me. it is called "Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right." although i'm not really "waiting" for anything... i decided that it would be an amazing start to a deeper relationship with my Savior. :)
Lady of Reckless Abandonment
The first chapter put a lot of detail on the woman in Mark 14 who poured perfume on Jesus' head. You know--the one that everyone was like "seriously? you wasted that costly perfume?! why?!" and only she and Christ truly understood her reasoning.
I need to be like that. I need to give something worth even more to him...myself.
In Christ's time when a woman became old enough for marriage, her family would purchase an alabaster box for her to fill with precioius ointment. This was a part of her dowry. When a man asked for her to marry him, she would take the alabaster box and break it at his feet as a way to show honor.
The book asks repeatedly about my alabaster box. What is it full of? Fantasies about Cinderella stories? A sucessful career?
After a huge amount of thought I decided that my alabaster box is full of ideas of what i want in life. A husband, a steady career, money, a nice house, security, pretty close, happy children, a beautiful wedding, my daddy to be there to walk me down the aisle, putting my feet in the ocean, riding a plane, finishing college, all these things that are truly worthless.
My relationship with Christ is the only thing that should ever matter in my life. Right now i am choosing to break my alabaster box at his feet. I'm giving him all of my hopes, my dreams, my wants...everything. I am laying down everything to pursue a closer, more intimate relationship with him. ♥
I am committing to "devoting as much energy to Jesus as I would in a relationship with a boyfriend. I'm [going to fall] more in love with Jesus every day. I'm going to date Him, write notes to Him, and read His letter to me. His friends will be mine and I will introduce mine to Him. ♥ I'm ready to fall madly in love with my Savior.
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