A Crazy Beautiful Life♥

I know, it has been entirely too long since I wrote last! Life has been life, ups and downs... Crazy yet beautiful.


The most beautiful of all? Grace...
Love...
God. 


I've felt lately that my relationship with God has been stagnant. I have, however, been keeping up adamantly with my quiet time. *thumbs up* But doing my quiet time without truly growing and learning and collecting is kind of running in circles. 


But yesterday... dear yesterday. It was magnificent. From the time I woke up I felt that He was up to something. As I was getting ready I felt Him tugging at me, telling me that my thoughts weren't focused in the right place. I made a quick entry in my journal about how I've felt lately that idols have taken over my life and that was why i was stagnant. 


At church I was attentive and the same point that has been brought to mind multiple times this week was the fact that He has given us all amazing gifts. Gifts that He truly PRE THOUGHT to give us. What are some gifts He's given you? My "spiritual gifts" have remained the same since I was very, very small. Every spiritual gifts assessment has come to the same conclusion: encouragement. How often do I encourage people? Not often. There is even an encouragement team here on campus. Am I a part of it? Nope. I've failed in being an encouraging person. In general in life what are your gifts that can be used for His glory? Mine? Piano, I'm not amazing, but with practice I could use it for Him. Even if I never played a lick for anyone else, I could use it as my own personal worship. Photography. I'm by no means a photographer, but He has given me an eye for seeing beauty in the little things. How many times have I had the opportunity to bring the little things into big light for others to be able to admire as well? Not often. I'm sure if I sat and truly dug into my abilities I could use every one to bring glory to God, yet I rarely do. 


At an old music school I used to go to we used to sing a song that went like this, 

I have a talent, I use it for the Lord. I have a talent, I use it for the Lord. If I do not use it, I will surely lose it! I have a talent, I use it for the Lord.

It's funny, because since this whole gifts thought has been in my head, that song has been playing on repeat. Ask anyone that has been with me, I sing it all the time. God has been laying this on my heart, and He used yesterday to really punch it into my head. 

NEXT part... Yesterday I decided to use my "talent" of adding butter and an egg to premade cookie mix to make a few cookies for church last night. I didn't really think that people would enjoy them as much as they did, but i was asked to make them again. That is a simple ministry that God can use me for. Something as small as making cookies Sunday afternoons to bring to church Sunday night is seemingly small, but to those who enjoy the cookies is a great happy maker.
 THEN... At Sunday night church Josh led us in a close knit Bible discussion. We read piece by peace through Acts 1-2 and just asked questions and talked it out. Through one of our minor rabbit chases we began talking about baptism and the importance of it. As a young un I was baptized, but to me *not truly being a Christian at the time* i was just going swimming and doing what everyone else was doing. There was no real importance or meaning in it. In our discussion we talked about that very same issue and I felt convicted. I went to Mark afterwards and told him what was going through my mind. Huzzah, guess who's getting rebaptized? 


God used yesterday... a simple, regular day to show me so much. I feel like i'm making progress... God obviously has something huge planned for me in my life. Something for His will and my good. 


I'm stoked to know what it is!


...It may be a little wheezy... but i'm learning to breathe...

 

Living Up to My Name♥

So, I decided to start a new book over this wonderful Christmas break :) It's craziness because of how on accident it was...but that is another story...for another time :)


The book- Having a Mary Spirit: Allowing God to Change Us from the Inside Out by Joanna Weaver (she also wrote Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World). Anyhowsers...I'm only in the second chapter and I already feel God's nudging...


SO... I decided to blog about it :) Go me :P


A lot of what was said in the book was pretty much just reiterating what I said the other day in my blog... I'll save you the monotonous details :) But one of the things that really stuck out to me was the fact that I was just praying about not being content in my relationship with Him. In the book Joanna started talking about how she doesn't know my situation and what God is walking me through...but that He is "stirring in you a divine discontentment--a hunger for something more, a desire to be something more." *ding ding ding* we have a winner! The next part got me too: "May I tell you that such spiritual discontentment is a gift from God? For He only stirs us when He wants to change us. He only makes us feel uneasy with where we are so we're willing to do whatever it takes to get where He is." With that, the tears came. God wants to do something in me... little ol' me... He has a plan bigger than I could even imagine... And He's stirring discontentment within me so that I'll follow Him to a whole new level. 


Mag-freakin-nificent. :) I'm stoked to see what He's going to do...


She closed the first chapter with this prayer that made me so happy I scrawled it in the back cover of my Bible...

Lord Jesus, I give You my life. I invite You to have Your way in me. Take me and break me. Shake me and make me. Fill me and spill me. Change me and rearrange me. But whatever You do, Lord...don't leave me the same. Spirit of wisdom and revelation, I welcome Your work. Open my eyes so I can see... my ears so I can hear... I choose truth over comfort, challenge over complacency. Lord, make me forever Yours. And most of all, make me like You. Amen.

I'm justa breathing... ♥

 

 

 

"What is Love? Baby, don't hurt me..."♥

I am a typical teenage girl (even though it's only for a few more hours *sadface*). I love movies like Titanic, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, The Last Song, and so many more. The problem is the fact that these movies give us teenage girls *and adult women as well* very skewed definitions of love. I'm sure if you asked girls today what love is...so many of them would get shiny eyes and tell a story they've heard before... Even little girls are given fairytales and told that one day their prince charming will come. Cinderella had Prince Charming, Fiona had Shrek...think of all of the sweet stories... there was always an amazingly wonderful man.

A couple of my guy friends have called these books and movies "emotional porn" and in all honesty, it truly is...

I feel like I've blogged all of this before...

so i'll skip ahead...

What is love?

1 Corinthians 13 says it best... but how often to we truly examine what it says? Everyone has it quoted at weddings, people get it tattooed, we all read it and think about "The One."...but we never tear it apart and work at showing each individual characteristic of love...

I. Love is Patient

II. Love is Kind

III. It does not envy

IV. It does not boast

V. It is not proud

VI. It is not rude

VII. It is not self-seeking

VIII. It is not easily angered

IX. It keeps no record of wrongs

X. Does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth

XI. Always protects

XII. Always trusts

XIII. Always hopes

XIV. Always perseveres. 

We should take our relationships and honestly ask ourselves what it means to love... 

I know I don't add up...

...breathing

I'm IN Love♥

A woman sits on the floor in front of a Man. As she talks she watches the curve of His nose, the way His mouth forms words, she watches Him talk with His hands and smiles everytime He looks her in the eyes. In the hustle and bustle of a busy day her sister is preparing dinner. Out of frustration she yells to the Man to tell her sister to get up and help. A look of shock crosses the face of the Man as well as the woman cross-legged on the floor. As she begins to get up off of the floor the Man places a hand on her shoulder and tells her to stay where she is. Shaking His head He turns to her sister... "...you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. [Your sister] has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." With that He turns and begins speaking again to those around Him.

Another day that very same Man is having dinner at the home of a very rich, very powerful man. A very poor woman walks into the room with a beautiful jar full of sweet smelling oil. As she walks behind the Man she begins sobbing. She drops to her knees and cries at His feet. He can feel every single tear land and slide down His ankle, leaving a clean streak on His dirty, dusty foot. Still gasping for her breath she begins to wipe the tears and dirt away with her long, beautiful, dark hair. Everyone at the table stares at the woman as she begins kissing the tops of the Man's feet. As she opens the beautiful jar of oil, she doesn't notice the perplexed faces and whispers all around her. She goes about her business pouring the oil on His feet. The Man notices the blank stares and hears the whispers. After telling a short story He turns to the man who invited him for dinner and says, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you , her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

Tonight I started thinking about the kind of attitude I have. I started thinking about what woman from the Bible I wish I could base my life on. Since it is me we're talking about, I couldn't pick just one...

The first woman (story 1) is who I want to be mentally. Her name is Mary and her busy sister-Martha. All too often I worry myself with little things in life. I get bent out of shape about what all NEEDS to be done. I'm always concerned with being organized and making sure people are comfortable. Although having a servant heart like Martha is a really good thing, there is also a place where the line should be drawn. Martha was consumed by what she believed needed to be done that she missed the wonderful opportunity to just sit and listen to Jesus speak.
        I want to sit at His feet and soak up everything He says. I want to not be bothered by the world. I want to be so lost in Him that everything else disappears. (Story from Luke 10:38-42)

The second woman (story 2) is who I want to be actively. Sadly, the Bible doesn't say her name. She is only refered to as "a sinful woman." I am that sinful woman, but sadly my actions have been far from what hers were. She knew that there was something wonderful about this Man. She knew that He and He alone could save her from who she was and the past that she had. I want to be like her
         I want to be so overcome with love for Him that I will pour myself out completely to Him. I want to give Him the most important parts and most expensive parts of my life (see Alabaster Box♥ blog from a couple months ago). I want to serve Him no matter who looks at me and who whispers at me behind my back. I want to give Him all that I have.


If you could be anyone from the Bible...who would it be and why? God's doing something in me... I'm not entirely sure what it is...but I'm excited. Pray with me and for me... Pray that I become these two women...

And here's my prayer for you:
    Dear Papa,
  Thank you for another wonderful day. Thank you for my amazing church family and my amazing friends. Thank you for people that read my blog regularly. Thank you for people that stumble upon it. God, I pray that whoever is on the receiving end of this... that something in this touches them. God, I pray that they search Your Word and find the man or woman that they either relate to or would like to relate to. I pray for those who may not care about You or even not believe in You... maybe lost hope years ago... but are for some reason still reading... I pray that you touch them. Thank you for what you're doing. You're up to something bigger than me...

Amen♥

...take a breath... slow down... breathe.♥

Consulting the Comforter♥

I love snow...
Flurries too...

But anyways-not my point...

God seems to find ways to punch me at least weekly...this week, well today, He didn't have to punch me *for the first time ever* He just gently nudged me...That in itself is a HUUUUUGE deal...

anyways...

What may you ask am I speaking of?

Not going to Him with things. I always say the expected "Oh, definitely, i'll pray about it." or "Hey can you pray for me...I really need His help."... but sadly, that has become a copout....
More often than not I say a quick "God help me" prayer without really searching for His reply. As of late, I have made a lot of decisions without truly consulting Him... Sad isn't it?

Here He is...caring about ever single decision that i have to make in my life... He knows my EVERY thought and care... He tells me not to worry because HE has control... yet.... what do I do? Talk to mere people about things... instead of consulting HIM.

:( Hm... Not only is the weather changing... But my attitude is as well...

*cheers* Here's to consulting Him with EVERYTHING...

...learning to breathe....♥

my passion-meet me though this post...

I'm pouring my heart out to you people... I may cry... You may tear up... But I need this...

God changed my life a few summers ago. We attended a summer retreat in Texas... The Arlington Project. I had previously taken two years of Spanish in high school (didnt pay attention a lick because i wouldnt need it *yeaaaaah...whatever*). Anyhow- one specific day we were doing a childrens ministry in a Hispanic apartment complex. As we were going door to door many of the people spoke English...we were on our LAST DOOR and the lady in there couldnt speak English at all. We struggled with her for about 10 minutes trying to explain what we were doing. She had a younger boy *cute as a button* and an older boy...probably around 14 or so. After trying and trying and trying to explain...stumbling with the little bit of Spanish that my group knew... the older boy stood up and said, "It's okay--I got this." and he started telling his mom *in Spanish* what we were TRYING to say. "WAAAAIT a second! You speak English!?" was all that I could say. He just laughed and said yeah.

He changed my life. A little while later we were hanging out in the center of the complex hanging out with all of these precious Hispanic kids... they clung to me... they sat in my lap and twirled my hair... they tried to take me home with them.

They changed my life.

Since then God has been laying them on my heart. I decided to just surrender to Him and give Him whatever it was that was making me feel that connected to those specific people.

Slowly, He began molding my passion for Hispanic people... specifically Mexicans. I'm only in my first year of Spanish since then...

At least once a week I come across a Hispanic family in Jtown or even here. Everytime i do... my heart swells.

Tonight reminded me why God has given me this fire...

Randi, Jacob, and I decided to go eat at Tampicos. We were in a booth behind this PRECIOUS little boy and his mom. He looked at me and...well...my heart melted. I waved at him and he smiled and hid his face. When he looked at me again I said boo... thus the beginning of a long game of peeky boo :)

I cried... thats all i could do... cry. I listened to him and his mom talk and i could pick up bits and pieces of what they were saying. That in itself was beautiful to me. These people that I love... the culture that I so badly want to be a part of... I could understand the language!
It was beautiful.

So, I kept crying.

When we were leaving, I asked the man who waited on us if the little boy could speak both English and Spanish and he said yes. As soon as the kids go to school, they come back and know English as well as they do Spanish. We talked about my passion for the language and how I want to be fluent. He gave me hope that once i'm immersed... it will come easier.

I was already ready to cry more...

but here's the kicker...

When i was leaving...i waved bye to the little boy... He smiled and started blowing me kisses...

That was beautiful.

All through high school... my heart was here at WBC. Last semester... my heart was here at WBC. Now? My heart is in Mexico... I've never been...but I KNOW that God didn't give me this passion for no reason. I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that He has a plan for me and it includes my precious Mexican babies.

As much as I love it here... my heart isnt in it anymore...

I'm ready for my life to begin there... with the people that I love so dearly...

taps me on the shoulder, over and again♥

Where are you and what are you doing when you feel closest to God?

Church, singing along with the praise band? Or maybe even working with a certain people group? Maybe in a field of daisies?

I'm in the rain...

When I was going through a really rough four, almost five, year depression... I would always repeat the same line everytime it rained... "I walk in the rain cause no one can ever tell I'm crying." Oddly enough-It still rings true today...even after overcoming that point in my life. Except now? Now those tears are of joy...because I have never felt so close to Him.

I was talking with a friend a couple weeks ago about why I love the cold, windy days and the wet, rainy days... It's because I feel Him so much closer. It's as though the wind are His hugs and the rain is Him tapping me on the shoulder telling me He loves me.

The God of this Universe, the One who shaped every tree and painted every sunset, the One who parted waters and raised the dead back to life, the One who formed me with His OWN HANDS... HE LOVES ME

Wow...

So...when the wind rustles through the trees and you cuddle a little deeper into your coat... remember that He's hugging you.

When the rain taps your window and frizzes up your hair... remember that is Him...He's tapping you on the shoulder screaming at the top of His lungs that HE loves you...

Pathetic, sad, scared little me....

HE LOVES ME.

breathing in has never felt so wonderful... ♥